小米SSR

The Treasury of Deathless Quotes

-- M.S.S. Updates --

January 12 - Furloughed Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.) has a brand new "gig" (that's entertainment industry lingo)- TV talking head for Abu Dhabi TV! His latest commentary on the capture of Saddam included this, uh, curious statement: "The expected trial needs evidence to be submitted. Everybody talks about war crimes and the like. But the court considers facts and evidence only." Because we all know how much M.S.S. believes in the sanctity of facts and evidence. We forget, are their troops in Baghdad yet?

December 15 - M.S.S. reacts to news of Saddam's capture on al-Jazeera: "The place where Saddam had been caught is an old hideout, known to many Iraqi leadership members. I don't believe that Saddam used such a very well known hideout". We think the whole war thing might have given away the fact that Saddam doesn't always make the greatest tactical choices.

-- Carl Duddin

September 23 - Furloughed Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.) gives new interview with Abu Dhabi TV in which he makes maybe the first accurate statement of his public career: "Saddam believed that he will lose the war if it erupts." What a shocking prediction.

August 18 - The Editors of WLTIIM.com announce the launch of their newest "fan" site in honor of another very quotable man, WeLoveArnold.com. In protest, furloughed Iraqi M.S.S. immediately announces that he is now too a candidate for California governor. "There is no Arnold!" M.S.S. declares. "This is a lie of the olooj editors of this infidel site. I am not afraid and neither should you be. I repeat, there are no Arnolds in Sacramento. Never!"

August 11 - The LA Times reports that the Iraqi military was itself fooled by the creative reporting of furloughed Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.): "After the information minister claimed that Iraqi forces had retaken the Baghdad airport from U.S. troops, two former commanders said, Republican Guard Gen. Mohammed Daash was dispatched to check out a rumor that four or five American tanks had survived the Iraqi counterattack. Daash returned to his headquarters in a panic. "Four or five tanks!'' the commanders quoted Daash as telling his fellow generals. "Are you out of your minds? The whole damn American Army is at the airport!'' "

August 4 - The Crack Editorial Staff returns from their long and richly deserved July vacation. Apologies for the lack of news, but, hey, it's the summer, so we don't really care. New Items of Interest that we missed:
7/29 - A new weekly newspaper in Iraq has been named Al-Sahhaf, after M.S.S. The editor explained, "I wanted a name that would attract readers. The name Al-Sahhaf has had an impact in the press." No confirmation yet to rumors that the New York Times will rename itself The Jayson Blair or that Fox News will now be called The Geraldo.
7/25 - Police in Sweden reveal that M.S.S. may have been involved in the brutal murder of an Iraqi agent in Stockholm 18 years ago, and that he is now under investigation and faces possible criminal charges. Maybe his glorious post-war career is not getting off to the best start here....

July 11 - M.S.S. makes a sudden appearance in Abu Dhabi, saying he might not return to Iraq. "When I leave I always have in my mind that I might not come down this road again, but I'm working and praying to God that I can return to Baghdad one day," he said on Abu Dhabi Television. The Abu Dhabi Information Minister? Doesn't quite have the same ring to it...

June 28 - M.S.S. announces that he is going to write a book about his experiences in which he will reveal details about the collapse of the Ba'athist regime. "What the public has is only a small part of the picture," he told an interviewer. "The rest will emerge when I write my book." Move over Harry Potter...

June 27 - What happened to his hair?!?! And what's with the old man glasses? Did he lose his stylist to Rumsfeld? More quotes from the new interview with M.S.S.:
"The information I received from the governorates was more precise and comprehensive than the information I got from the Baghdad area. I was sincere in everything I said, even just before the fall of Baghdad international airport."

"The information was correct, but the interpretations were not," he said. "I did my duty up to the last minute."

Breaking News - June 26 - The man has returned!!!! Al-Arabiya TV announces that M.S.S. will reappear Friday for the first time since the fall of Baghdad in an interview conducted in his "hideout in Baghdad," that will be aired at 1900 GMT Friday. However, clips from the interview have already been aired, so finally, after months of painful waiting, we have
AUTHENTIC NEW M.S.S. QUOTES!
[the war was a] "very difficult time. Not just on one man, but on all." (you got to love the modesty)
Were your quotes yours or from Saddam? "No, these are all from the Arab history and all will be clear on time." (sounds to us like he's not done yet!)
[where he got his information] "From authentic sources. Many authentic sources."

June 25 - The Daily Mirror reports that U.S. troops have arrested M.S.S., at a roadblock in a Baghdad suburb. HOWEVER, a senior Pentagon official then said Wednesday no information exists to support the article. "Right now we have no information that that's true," sai